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I had a dream last night... I was walking through a mall (why do so many of my dreams take place in malls?) and I saw one of my old boyfriends, actually he was my first one. The one who took me to the Van Halen concert in 1984 where I caught Michael Anthony's pick! ... but he was there in the dream, along with some other guys, and I just stood there and looked at them, but I got uncomfortable so I turned around and walked away and left the mall. When I walked out, I discovered I was on a beach! And in a bikini! And I knew it was "my beach", that I belonged there. There was an escalator on the beach. Yes. The dream didn't show where the escalator went- it didn't "pan up" that far for me to see... but I wanted to get on it, and I did, and I was happy, but then I looked over the ledge and saw lots of people standing around down below on the beach. I looked at them all and noticed, they weren't dressed in beach attire at all. They were in regular clothes, like work clothes, all covered up, and they were standing around in groups, waiting. I suddenly felt that I needed to get off the escalator and come back down, and I did, but have you ever gone down an upward-moving escalator? It's sort of hard but also fun, and that's the way it was in the dream, I was laughing as I ran down the upward-moving steps, and finally I made it to the bottom, stepped off, and walked up to the people standing around on "my" beach. It was funny, they were all serious and quiet and fully dressed; I was in a tiny hot-pink bikini but I didn't have a care in the world, I felt free and comfortable. I knew I needed to stay there, but I didn't know why.

I sort of get the meaning of this dream and so today I had to do some serious heavy-duty praying about some things happening in my life. Sort of some last-minute "wait--hold on, God-- wait.." kind of things. You know what I mean? You know when you accept something "as-is" because you think it's the right thing to do, but then you realize, wait, maybe I don't have to go along with this, maybe I can fight for something better? That's what I did today in prayer. Something happened to me after I came back from my little sandy "excursion". I'll talk more about it over time, and you'll really have to listen close and pay attention to what I'm saying, because if you think I'm just going to type up a full detailed plain-as-day report, you're wrong. If it didn't involve another living human being, I would have no problem whatsoever in doing just that. You know how I like to expose myself. The adrenaline is great. You should try it.

Also, the other day I dreamed of a rotting deer head in a plastic bag. It was sitting in my dad's old driveway in the house we lived in (in the 80's) and it was for me to take with me. I went out to the driveway, saw the plastic bag, looked inside, and there was a deer head that was beginning to decompose. I thought, why is he giving me this? (my dad.) And, why wasn't it preserved? (don't you think you would keep something like that in the freezer if you were planning on giving it to someone?) And, does he not care that it's rotting?

So I became offended and insulted and chose NOT to take the rotting deer head home with me.

All these elements combined bring me to this moment, right now: I accept my life at home, I don't accept a decomposing head, I'm praying for clemency (or mercy) over something foolish I did, and I'm surprised to see that there are people on my beach. I didn't know.

Oh and I'm not ready to get on the escalator just yet. If I wouldn't have looked and saw the people there, I would have stayed on it.

I can't wait to explain what all happened on my excursion. I just have no idea how to do it. I will find a way, trust me.